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I
have a problem and I don’t know how to deal with it. I have come into
a little extra money and I have decided I need a new rifle. The problem
is twofold. First, I have to decide what kind and caliber I want and
then I have to figure out how to talk my wife into it.
This
summer I did what is almost inexcusable, when the fall hunting
catalogues came in, I leafed through them and tossed them into the trash
while boldly telling my better half, "I don’t need anything this
year, so I’m throwing this __________’s catalog away."
Mostly
I was right. Sure there were a few things I would like to have
considered like some of this new "hi-tech" long underwear. But
not being able to afford much, I was basically telling the truth.
As
fall approached, my daughter and I had several conversations about the
upcoming deer season and, after some thought, she declared my
muzzleloader her property! This muzzleloader went from "Daddy’s
new gun" to "our" muzzleloader and this season it’s now
"her lucky rifle."
Now
I am faced with having to share a muzzleloader with my daughter during
that all important muzzleloader season that lasts all of four days in
Alabama!
I
have done my part, I have saved my money, I have provided for my family,
I have asked for very little except a good night’s sleep and a full
stomach so to my male mind, I deserve a new rifle. I’m not even going
to bring up the $150 dress rental for the beauty pageant, the new car
this summer (we traded a ¾ ton truck that got 11 miles per gallon for
an automobile that gets 30 mpg) or anything else I can think of. I don’t
intend to use these tactics unless begging doesn’t work.
I
have even done my homework by endlessly researching what type of rifle I
want to get. I have decided to put my money to its best use by looking
seriously at one of the rifles that has interchangeable barrels. That
way, when I want a different caliber, I can just purchase a new barrel
and not a complete rifle. I haven’t figured out how to break the news
that each barrel needs a scope of its own. I think I’ll just stick to
the point that they are interchangeable, the one I want is a
muzzleloader anyway and the last rifle I bought for myself was back in
1978. (I’ll try to throw in a little tear and possibly a mild whimper
to play the sympathy card.)
I’m
thinking seriously about getting my daughter involved because after all,
it is her fault in that she not only killed her first deer with that
muzzleloader but also the deer was the first deer killed by that rifle
and therefore she claims it as hers just like Columbus claimed the New
World for Spain because he was the first to step on it. (If you read
that last sentence four or five times, it’ll makes sense.)
I
just might coach her into saying something like, "Mom, since I stole
daddy’s muzzleloader from him this year, can you let him get another
one?"
I
won’t directly mention the pounds of high quality, lean, tender
venison I personally put in the freezer every year, because I’m the
one who eats most of it, but I will hint around about it.
I
think my best shot is telling her about the quality time our daughter
and I spend together pursuing deer and how that time is priceless and
every minute we spend in the woods is a memory for her that will be
timeless. We are making memories and stories she can pass on to her
children and grandchildren and things would be so much better if we each
had our own muzzle loading rifle. I will try to get her to imagine the
self-esteem we will be building in our child by her owning her very own
rifle. I will expand on the opportunities to teach responsibility by
making her do the cleaning and maintenance of the rifle she has claimed
as her own. I will then ask my wife to imagine the independence our
daughter will learn by being able to put meat on the table with her own
firearm, without the help of some "man." I will ask her to
step into the future and take a look at our daughter when her
boyfriend/fiancé/husband knows without a doubt not only can she provide
for herself, but she can shoot straight and hit her target whether it’s
running or standing still.
In
my vast experience of the world, I know of many a married man who has
kept to the straight and narrow only by the knowledge his wife was a
firm believer in gun control (gun control is hitting your target) and
practices it on a regular basis. I want my daughter to date/marry a man
who knows the sight of someone else’s blood does not bother her.
At
least this is what I will tell my wife, it should definitely convince
her that purchasing a new rifle is just another sacrifice I am willing
to make for my family. If all else fails, I have two more options that
kind of go hand-in-hand, beg like a son-of-a-gun and keep this article
top secret.
Ralph
Ricks is the manager of Quality Cooperative, Inc. in Greenville. |
