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"So,"
I asked Rodney, "Did ya hurt yer jaw?"
"Yes,"
he replied, "It’s a camel injury."
Turns
out Rodney had been the victim of camel retribution. The accidental head
butt had loosened a few teeth. Rodney had been breaking and training his
camel to ride. This led me to ponder on the difficulty of camel training
vs. cow training. It appears that camels are considerably smarter than
cows. Of course, I thought, because cows don’t have prehensile lips!
You
students of anatomy know that, unlike the camel, the goat, and the
average sheepherder, cows’ lips are hard and square. They cannot
nibble. More importantly, they cannot purse their lips, which is why
cows cannot whistle. Oh, sure, you say, but they could put a cloven hoof
in their mouth and hail a cab. Something a horse could never do. Yet
cows haven’t figured it out.
This
anatomical defect has had a direct effect on the bovine’s inability to
advance up the evolutionary food chain. Since cows can’t outrun
predators, they remain entrenched in grazing and getting eaten. Think
about the possibility of a guard cow stationed high up on the butte. She
spots a mountain lion, a cattle rustler or brand inspector. She whistles
two sharp blasts and a melodious trill. The grazing herd looks up and
whistles back in answer. Then they fade into a mesquite thicket or
submerge themselves in the water tank like hippos until the danger rides
by.
What
good, you ask, has it been for the camel to be able to whistle. Well,
first it has made them more fun to be around. Think how much more
pleasant it would be for the cowboy riding night herd if the cows could
whistle along with his cowboy lullaby. Now all they can do is low, and
only in one key!
If
you’ve ever been in a dairy barn in Saudi Arabia where the camels are
milked, you know it sounds like a carousel! When the lactating dromedary
is finished, and she should know, she just whistles! Holsteins can’t
whistle…they are as boring as bark, like watching pipe rust, as
stimulating to talk to as a model train collector…unless of course,
you, too, are one.
Think
how much difference the Swiss Alps would be if they had whistling, or
even, yodeling cows! Eat your cud out, Mary Poppins!
Okay,
there are some things that are maybe best left alone, but I can’t keep
from thinking that with all the genetic manipulations we are capable of,
why don’t we invest some time into selectively breeding cows with
prehensile lips.
Then
they could drink molasses with a straw, not nearly as messy.
Baxter
Black is a former large animal veterinarian who can be followed
nationwide through this column, National Public Radio, public
appearances, television and also through his books, cds, videos and
website,
www.baxterblack.com.
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