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You May Be A Cattleman If …

Several years ago, Jeff Foxworthy made famous the sentence prefix "You may be a redneck if…." Since that time he, as well as many others, have added to an extensive and ever growing list of redneck attributes. Mr. Foxworthy gave rednecks a distinctive culture that is totally different and separate from the non-redneck.

Cattlemen (and women) have many distinctive attributes that are different from other kinds of agriculture as well as many attributes that overlap. This is certainly not a complete list; you can do as we do with the redneck list and use your imagination to add to it. Not all items on the list are personal experiences but observations of other fellow cattlemen.

You may be a cattleman if…

… you think that a baby calf is the prettiest of all of the newborn animals, maybe with the exception of a speckled puppy.

… you have ever gotten down on your hands and knees to crawl up to a baby calf just so you can pet it.

… you, having crawled up to the calf, hear something and look behind you to discover that the calf’s momma has joined you and is not so happy about the situation.

… you have noticed that a heifer having her first calf has a built in almanac to let her know when the coldest, rainiest night of the year is and chooses that night to give birth. She has also done surveillance to find a spot where no cow has ever calved at before and uses that spot rather than the usual calving areas.

… you have a neighbor who is a novice cattleman. This neighbor calls you at 10:30 at night to borrow your calf puller. You don’t just lend it to him but you go with him, help (do most of the work) pull the calf and get home well after midnight. I had a neighbor, Mr. Paul Steadman, who was a cattleman and I was the novice.

… your equipment, tractor, cattle trailer, etc. are considered community property to be borrowed. So many people have a key to your gate that you might as well not even have a lock on it.

… your facilities are not "state of the art" but with a lot of patchwork always seem to manage to get the job done.

… it appears that you are proudly displaying the sign that you got at the Master Cattlemen Course but in reality put it up to stop up a hole in your barn or catch pen.

… the mention of BSE (mad cow disease), $3.00 per gallon fuel prices and a $5.00 increase per bag on ryegrass all seem to have the same effect.

… you have once again gotten on your hands and knees trying to find a hint of a ryegrass stand after a six-week drought.

… you have been in the hay field trying to get the hay baled before a rain. A small cloud comes up and rains on a strip of land about a mile wide and, of course, the hay field is right in the middle.

… you have stood in a pasture that would have burned off with the drop of a match and watched what looked like that same before mentioned cloud pass by without dropping a single drop of rain.

… you have more things on your list of things to do than you can possibly get done, but can take time to help a neighbor in need.

… you take time to help with activities that educate today’s youth about the cattle industry, realizing that today’s youth are tomorrow’s cattlemen or beef consumers.

… you wonder if your own children will be interested in the cattle business and taking up where you leave off.

… you appreciate your spouse for their patience, understanding and help in something they recognize is important to you.

… you know that the animal health practices on your farm have an effect on the entire cattle business and wish that a New York meat packer exporting beef to Japan had that same understanding.

… you support the cattle business and give something back rather than just reap the benefits of the labor of others.

… you work all day at a job, go home - not to turn on the TV - but crank the tractor and go the pasture to put out hay.

… you have planted ryegrass or spread fertilizer by the light of the moon.

… you thank God for the beauty of the night sky instead of wishing that you did not have to be out doing things at night.

… you enjoy the benefit of cell phones but think how much better the skyline would look if it were not circled by flashing lights from cell towers.

… while out on a cold, frosty night, you have promised yourself that before another winter comes you’re going to sell out and be done with the cattle business.

… come spring, you’re thinking of what improvements need to be done instead of thinking of selling out.

… above all, you thank God for the opportunity to raise cattle, be free, live in this country, enjoy being stewards of the land and reaping the rewards of your labor.

Darrell Thompson is the manager of Lawrence County Exchange in Moulton.